folding chair

We survived the heat in Vegas for Stars National dance competition again this year. It was over 100 degrees every day. We were either at the pool or at the dance competition. It was awesome at the awards this year, though, because BOTH of my girls were in a dance chosen as a judge's choice. There are 4 dances picked from the entire competition and it's a huge honor. The dance is performed again as an exhibition during the awards ceremony. This video is that performance. If you can, open it up in full-screen mode to get a better effect and to see their faces. Their facial expressions really make the dance. If I were you, I'd watch it more than once. ;) You need to watch my girls (who are by each other for parts of the routine) and you also need to keep track of the chair too. Oh, and keep an ear out for Ted and I. We're both yelling and laughing at different times in the routine. We just happened to be sitting next to the guy filming.

I'm so sad this dance is over, but it totally rocked. Ted didn't "get it" at first, but all the moms with daughters in the dance loved it! And apparently so did the judges!! :D

2011 competition season

The last month has been crazy. We had all (but one) of the girls' dance competitions for the year. Unfortunately, 3 of them were scheduled back-to-back, so 3 weekends in a row were spent all day at dance competitions. Tiring!! However, the girls love it and they have a blast with all their dance friends.

I FINALLY caught Syd in the air on her aerial!

They have flipped her like this for the past 2 years. I've tried to stop being nervous every time.

This is the first year Savanna's been in a lift. She looks so graceful in it.

Do you see anything the matter with this picture? You probably don't, but I do. If you look at her left hand, she has on a ring. She is NOT supposed to! LOL The only jewelry she's allowed are those wrist bands, earrings, and necklace. Oops!!! Don't tell her dance director!!!

This is Syd's lyrical dance. It is so pretty and cute for these little girls. They have won first every time and even overall for their age division for this or their other dance at 3 of the 4 competitions (and at the other one they weren't competing because it was their director's competition and she doesn't count their scores in with the other teams because she doesn't think it's fair for her teams to be placed).

No, Savanna isn't supposed to be smiling. Throughout the beginning of this lyrical, they're all supposed to be straight faced. It is such a pretty routine. After competition season is over, then I'll post the YouTube links and you can watch the routines if you like.

Getting funky Cobra Style!! Savanna has some serious attitude and facial expressions in this dance.

All the little girls on Syd's team kill me with their facial expressions in this routine. They love it and have tons of fun with it. Sydney is always into her showmanship, in case you couldn't tell!

This is a really fun dance. The girls are fighting over the dance folding chair, and not just my girls, all the girls in the entire routine. It's such an entertaining routine! I love that my girls are together for lots of stuff in the routine so I can get pictures of them together.

At times it is exhausting and time consuming and expensive for my girls to dance, but they love it and so we do it!!

grief

Photography courtesy of Portrait Creation and Utah Share.

going digital

So, when digital scrapbooking became all the rage, I didn't think I would ever give in to it. And, honestly, I haven't in the way that most people have. I love to create hands-on in my scrapbook/craft area. I love cutting the paper. I love making things fit together and watching a fun thing emerge from it. So, as a consultant for Close To My Heart for about the last 7 years, I was a little leery when a few years ago they introduced Studio J, a form of digital scrapbooking. However, I tried it and I LOVE it!!! Everyone else in the scrapbooking world uses Photoshop or Photoshop Elements, which is extremely intimidating to me. I have no idea how to use it and really no time or money to take a class and learn. Studio J is completely FREE to use. Only when I want to purchase what I've created, then I pay. But to just play around, totally FREE. Plus, I don't have to download anything; it's all web-based. Simply upload my photos, pick the templates, pick my paper selection, drop my photos in the wells, add journaling, choose colors for the embellishments that are already there and I'm done!!! If I want. However, being me, I like to play around more and add more embellishments or change the papers up or even add an extra journaling or photo well. The possibilities are endless and it's AWESOME!!! I recently decided to create gift albums for family this way, and then of course get copies for myself as well. It's been a HUGE success.

Here are some of the layouts I've created.

Now, these are the first ones I did, so looking back, there are things I'd change, but overall I still love them.

This one is my favorite of those first ones I did. Mainly because of what it captures - my kids and some of their cousins and because, in retrospect, it was the beginning of a time of trials in our family and this was when we still didn't have a clue. Plus, I do love the colors and how it all just came together. Plus, the quote is so simple and yet so profound. It reminds me of how the simple and most basic things in life are really what matter the most.

These last ones are ones I did a few months ago. I love that I was able to choose how many pictures I had and then narrow down the layout options to choose from based on the number of photos. Another nice thing is, I can rotate the layout to change the orientation. If I didn't like the layout the way it came in because my photo was horizontal instead of vertical, there's a little button at the top that rotates it until I like the way it looks and my photos fit!

I love that I was able to fit 16 photos on this layout of my niece playing soccer - SIXTEEN!!!!

This is another one of my favorites. It took me months of just thinking about (not the actual creating!!!) to decide how I wanted to do it because I wanted something special. When I finally sat down to do these pages, this was what I did. I came up with a few of the more recent pictures but spanning different events and just stuck them all together. This one I added lots of extras to - the remember, the quote on the left page, and everything above the photos on the right page, as well as the heart on the top left page. The extras vary by which paper kit I choose so that they coordinate with the papers that I picked. Takes a lot of the guess work out, which is a hard thing for me. Having everything coordinated and then just being able to choose which combo I like, works wonderfully for me! The ribbons and buttons were already on the page, but they were "blank" - colorless - so I got to pick which colors I wanted.

I'm a bit of a perfectionist so I play around with these layouts over several days before I'm satisfied with them. There is actually more that the software does that I'm still exploring - getting rid of red eye, blemishes, and more. But I love it. There's a gal on YouTube who has created a series of instructional videos on different things the software does. I've watched a few of them and I need to watch more so I can learn more, but I have taught myself a lot just by playing around with it.

I have an entire family vacation album in the works from the cruise/Disney trip my parents gave all of us 3 years ago for Christmas. I have 7 pages done and just starting the rest. I can't wait until I have everything done and into one album ready to display and share with my family!!!!

I really love being able to just drag and drop my photos, play around with patterns and papers, adding some extras and then having them print the layouts and mail them to me!! When they come in the mail, I just slip them in my scrapbook and I'm done!!! Plus, having these layouts and giving them as a gift has been so fun. I've loved sharing memories this way and can't wait to share more!!!

lost

Yes, I haven't posted in about 5 months. Wow. I had no idea it had been that long.

Today is St. Patrick's Day and I am a very cheesy mother who does all the cliche things, like bake corned beef (even though that's an American tradition, not an Irish one) and wear green and make my kids wear green and do cute clovers in my girls' hair. When I was growing up, my mom did the green food coloring in everything cliche thing - green pancakes, green mashed potatoes, you get the idea. Sometimes it was not very appealing. LOL It's amazing how visual we are about our food. So, today, yes, I have green on and so do my kids. Yes, my older girls have clover hairstyles with green ribbon. Yes, I have a corned beef in the crockpot. And, as a first, I am baking Irish soda bread later on, which is actually very Irish!! I also have a necklace (which I couldn't find this morning and will look again for in a bit) with a 3-leaf clover (or shamrock? I'm not sure which it is). However, I bought the necklace for a different reason altogether.

(I actually had a post about this that I posted right after it happened when I was blogging on Yahoo. However, I missed an email from Yahoo stating that they were deleting all the posts on their old blogging system and if I wanted them, then I needed to save them. I saw it too late. It's gone forever now. It was a very raw, emotional post. I can't even begin to duplicate it and I wish it wasn't lost because it would have been wonderful journaling to have. I remember my pain, but that raw emotion I wrote with then is not the same as I'm writing with now.)

For whatever reason, Heavenly Father seems to have plans for us that we aren't always aware of. For instance, Conner, Katie, this new pregnancy, and a few years ago when I had another pregnancy.

In early 2007, I found out I was pregnant again. I met Ted for lunch at Guadalahonky's with Conner and Syd and I actually told him there. Unfortunately, I also choked on some chips and salsa, so on top of dealing with a "hey honey, we're pregnant" announcement, while still trying to digest that news, then he had to run around the table to do the Heimlich on his wife. It was a little stressful lunch for him that day. He was a little surprised, as was I, but we were good with it. Another baby. OK. What I didn't share with Ted was the nagging feeling that something wasn't quite right.

You know how the instructions on the box of the pregnancy test say to wait 5 minutes before reading the results? I've never had to wait that long. It turns positive right away, every time. However, this time that second line was pretty faint so I did have to wait the 5 minutes.

Well, Ted and I had planned to attend the NASCAR race in Vegas, so we did. We took the trailer down and went to the race, had a little getaway for just us, no kids. While there I had some bleeding and some pain, leading to more uncomfortable, nagging feelings. I hadn't wanted to tell anyone yet, not until I'd been to the doctor, but Ted had told his parents and a few others.

After we got home, I had more bleeding and pain, so I went in to the doctor. He walked in the room and gave me my usual "Congratulations" and hug, but then he stopped while looking at my quantitative hCG results. I knew then that there was something wrong. He sat down and talked with me and said it looked like the numbers weren't quite where they should be and that he wanted me to come back in a few more days for another test to see where the numbers were going. The hCG should rise, but my number was a bit low. They watched the levels over several days and several blood draws, and my numbers were dropping -- I was miscarrying.

I'd known it. But still it was heartbreaking when I finally knew for sure. I sat at home for several days watching my body miscarry what was a surprise baby but was still my baby. I was barely pregnant. It was still developing, so while the medical community definitely did not call it a baby yet, any woman who has ever carried a child in her womb knows that there is an attachment and it's your baby from the beginning. I had known a friend or two and a sister-in-law who had miscarried and I had never comprehended their emotional pain until that moment. It is indescribable.

My doctor had been a bishop, so besides taking care of me from a medical perspective, he counseled me from a spiritual perspective and gave me so much reassurance about this not being my fault, that the Lord knows if it's not the right time for a baby or if things aren't developing the way they should, that he and his own wife had been through this a few times, and even that if that baby didn't come to me, Heavenly Father would make sure it came to one of my children. I really forget now everything he said, but I remember it all being comforting. It didn't take away the pain, but it helped me deal with the loss.

I had some wonderful friends who brought me flowers, pumpkin chocolate chip bread, hugs, thoughts, and more. They helped more than they can know. I remember sitting next to one dear friend at a church basketball game watching our husbands and visiting, and thinking I should tell her I was pregnant and then didn't. I was almost glad I hadn't when I knew I was miscarrying, but when she showed up on my door as emotional as I was, I knew I should have told her.

As shocked as Ted had been, the miscarriage was hard on him too. He brought me a dozen roses, all red, except for one white. I still have them. I keep asking him to make me a shadow box so I can display them somewhere, but it hasn't happened yet. Maybe someday.

The kids had a hard time understanding what was going on, especially Conner - he was not quite 3. Syd was in kindergarten and Savanna was in 2nd grade. Still, they were very sweet and so good. They were quiet when I was resting and behaved for Ted or my mom. I have good kids.

I hadn't realized what a long, agonizing process a miscarriage could be. As hard as it was, though, I really think it was easier than having to deal with a cold, sterile procedure to do it for me. What was hard was having to save the clots that passed for the doctor. That added another level of emotion to it. I had small pieces that passed for a few days and then finally, on St. Patrick's Day, the largest pieces and pretty much the last pieces came. To me, that was my miscarriage. I remember just sobbing and sobbing. I cried a lot over those days, but when it seemed to be over with that, I really lost it. Poor Ted; he didn't know how to deal with all that emotion.

It took a while to stop bleeding, like an extremely painful, extremely heavy, extremely long period, but not like after giving birth. (Sorry, this maybe a lot of information here for some.) And the emotions took a while to deal with too. On my due date that November, I had another meltdown. I knew what day it was as soon as I woke up. I remember sitting on the edge of my bed and just crumpling up and sobbing. Poor Ted.

I don't remember when I bought the necklace, if it was that fall or the next one, but at Swiss Days with my friends I saw the shamrock/clover necklace in glass and I knew I needed it. I don't wear it often, usually only on St. Patrick's Day, but it is my little remembrance for the one that was lost.

look what i can do

She just decided to follow her brother and sisters upstairs one day and if they leave her downstairs, she'll just go after them!! Dang my baby's getting big already!!! :(

heartbreak and excitement (aka nutcracker auditions)

Saturday 9/11 we tried something we never have before. I took the girls into Salt Lake to the Rose Wagner Theater and they auditioned for Ballet West's Nutcracker. Oh my. I guess I had no idea really what we were getting into. It wasn't bad really, just a long day of waiting because they audition based on height and my girls were in 2 different height ranges, so they had to try out for 2 different parts. That meant early morning with Savanna and then late afternoon with Sydney.

I thought Savanna would be super nervous because she gets that way about a lot of things, but she wasn't at all. She woke up right away when I woke her up and got ready to go. After pulling her almost too-short hair back into a bun, off she, Katie, and I went. We got there and the theater lobby was packed. The older/taller girls were already there auditioning and then Savanna's group were all there getting ready. I think we were told there were over 130 girls trying out for the party girls and there were only 8 spots in 4 casts, so 32 girls total. That means about 100 broken hearts. We found some people we knew, so we were visiting and that and I didn't get many pictures (kicking myself a lot for that), but pretty soon my oldest was being whisked away downstairs to learn choreography and I wouldn't see her until she was done, 2-3 hours later.

Katie and I visited with the other dance moms I knew, then celebrated when one of Savanna's friends made it as an Oriental servant and were sad when another one was cut from the Ladies in Waiting. Finally, finally, finally at after 11 o'clock we were told the first release (or first group of girls to be cut) would be coming through the doors from the stage. As this time it was my daughter, I went over to the doors to wait to see if she would come through. My stomach was in knots. I'd heard other moms talk about how upset the girls got and even some of the moms. I was just nervous for her and wanted her to do so well. I knew I wouldn't cry if she didn't make it, but I wasn't sure if she would. As I watched the girls come out the doors, I saw one little girl we knew. She went straight for her mom but wasn't upset at all (what a trooper!!). I kept watching the girls coming out and didn't see her. Finally Kiley came up to me and said, "Savanna gets to stay." Oh my!! My stomach got butterflies!!

So Katie and I went back to settle in and wait for the next and final release, so we would know then if Savanna would be a party girl or not. Pretty soon it was time, so I went and lined up again. By this time, more girls were arriving to try out for the soldiers and another one of Savanna's friends was in this group. There were so many people there that I couldn't get up to the front closer to the doors to wait for Savanna. Her friend Lexie said that if Savanna didn't make it, she wanted to be the first one to give her a hug, so she pushed her way up through the moms towards the front. Katie had had it by this time, so I was trying to calm her down.

Well, we waited and waited and waited. I think we had to wait 10-20 minutes from when they announced it before the girls came out. As I watched more heartbroken girls come out and heard the applause, my stomach in knots again, my friend said that she was nervous for Savanna too and I could hardly see to know if my daughter was one of them or not. Pretty soon here came Lexie holding Savanna's hand and pulling her to us. My poor girl was in tears. As soon as she was to me, as best I could holding a sleeping baby, I pulled her to me and told her how proud I was of her. I've reiterated this many times since and also told her that she made it so far and I know she did her best. We were also told that this cut isn't necessarily based on ability but more on looks (hair color, height) as they group girls and try to have a variety. I told her that she made it farther than a lot of girls did that day. She also told me later that night that they were told that if girls are cut or drop out here pretty soon, there's a chance they could be called. That chance is probably so, so slim, but, to me, that lets me know she really was close.

This is the after shot as we were leaving the theater. Her eyes are a bit red, but she smiled great for the camera, even though on the way to the car afterwards and while we were driving home she was still upset. By the time Sydney and I left for her audition, Savanna had bounced back and wished her sister luck, telling her what to expect and giving her a big hug.

When we got back to the theater, I was expecting the soldiers to still be in auditions, especially as I found my friend there visiting with someone else. Come to find out, soldiers had already been cast and she was still there because her daughter had been called back to be Clara!!! She ended up not being chosen, but, wow, what an honor!

Pretty soon it was Syd's turn to head down the stairs to learn choreography. I couldn't get this shot of Savanna because there had been so many people there that morning and she ended up being one of the first whisked off down the stairs by the time I could get even close to the railing. This time there were less girls (Sydney later told me 72 auditioned for this part) and also less parents.

So, Katie and I sat and waited. My friend was still there waiting for her daughter to come out from the Clara auditions at that point. After a while, my mom and grandma had been over at the Greek festival down the street, so they walked over to visit. They were never able to see Sydney, but they brought yummy Greek desserts for me to sample.

After everyone I knew left, Katie entertained herself (and apparently everyone else watching her) by being totally fascinated with her reflection in the tile floor. Yes, she keeps trying to kiss the baby in the floor. She really wanted nothing to do with her toys, just her reflection. She'd talk to it, smack her hands on the floor, clap, and kiss it. Silly girl.

Pretty soon it was announced that there would be only one release/cut for the buffoons and that those girls would be coming through the door soon. So, I made my way over to that area once again with a nervous stomach to wait and see if my daughter would be coming through with a "thank you for auditioning, come again next year" letter. I watched more heartbroken girls stream out and waited. Pretty soon the doors closed and my daughter hadn't come out. My heart was pounding, as I had to wait some more. Pretty soon, I was greated with this......

My excited little girl who had made it!!!

So now, in addition to regular dance classes and piano and school and soccer, we get to drive to the Capitol Theater at least once a week for the next 3 months for Sydney to learn to dance like a buffoon and then perform. It will be an absolutely incredible experience for her, I know. Ted, who complains a lot about dance, was even proud of her and made sure she called his parents so she could tell them. Luckily, this is a fairly inexpensive dance opportunity, mostly just a lot of time invested. Unfortunately, with the make-up and costuming, it will be hard to tell which dancer she is up there on stage, but what an adventure for her!!

Sydney was nervous about how her big sister would handle it, and even the night before as we were at my parents' she'd commented that it would be sad if only one of them had made it. But Savanna handled it fabulously. She congratulated her and was excited for her. Before we even left the theater, my tender-hearted Syd said, "Mom, do you know what's sad? I made a friend and she didn't make it." As we walked around the corner, her friend was actually still there, and Sydney went over to her and gave her a big hug. What just hurts my heart is this little girl had been the one to befriend Sydney because she was being shy at first after heading downstairs for the choreography. Syd said Monet came up to her and asked her if she was scared and then told her to come stand by her. Oh my heart.

Such an emotional day!! I am so proud of both of my girls for trying something new and something so big. I know they both did their best and I know they will both grow from their different experiences with these auditions. I love you girls!!! You are my favorite little dancers in the whole wide world!!!!