heartbreak and excitement (aka nutcracker auditions)

Saturday 9/11 we tried something we never have before. I took the girls into Salt Lake to the Rose Wagner Theater and they auditioned for Ballet West's Nutcracker. Oh my. I guess I had no idea really what we were getting into. It wasn't bad really, just a long day of waiting because they audition based on height and my girls were in 2 different height ranges, so they had to try out for 2 different parts. That meant early morning with Savanna and then late afternoon with Sydney.

I thought Savanna would be super nervous because she gets that way about a lot of things, but she wasn't at all. She woke up right away when I woke her up and got ready to go. After pulling her almost too-short hair back into a bun, off she, Katie, and I went. We got there and the theater lobby was packed. The older/taller girls were already there auditioning and then Savanna's group were all there getting ready. I think we were told there were over 130 girls trying out for the party girls and there were only 8 spots in 4 casts, so 32 girls total. That means about 100 broken hearts. We found some people we knew, so we were visiting and that and I didn't get many pictures (kicking myself a lot for that), but pretty soon my oldest was being whisked away downstairs to learn choreography and I wouldn't see her until she was done, 2-3 hours later.

Katie and I visited with the other dance moms I knew, then celebrated when one of Savanna's friends made it as an Oriental servant and were sad when another one was cut from the Ladies in Waiting. Finally, finally, finally at after 11 o'clock we were told the first release (or first group of girls to be cut) would be coming through the doors from the stage. As this time it was my daughter, I went over to the doors to wait to see if she would come through. My stomach was in knots. I'd heard other moms talk about how upset the girls got and even some of the moms. I was just nervous for her and wanted her to do so well. I knew I wouldn't cry if she didn't make it, but I wasn't sure if she would. As I watched the girls come out the doors, I saw one little girl we knew. She went straight for her mom but wasn't upset at all (what a trooper!!). I kept watching the girls coming out and didn't see her. Finally Kiley came up to me and said, "Savanna gets to stay." Oh my!! My stomach got butterflies!!

So Katie and I went back to settle in and wait for the next and final release, so we would know then if Savanna would be a party girl or not. Pretty soon it was time, so I went and lined up again. By this time, more girls were arriving to try out for the soldiers and another one of Savanna's friends was in this group. There were so many people there that I couldn't get up to the front closer to the doors to wait for Savanna. Her friend Lexie said that if Savanna didn't make it, she wanted to be the first one to give her a hug, so she pushed her way up through the moms towards the front. Katie had had it by this time, so I was trying to calm her down.

Well, we waited and waited and waited. I think we had to wait 10-20 minutes from when they announced it before the girls came out. As I watched more heartbroken girls come out and heard the applause, my stomach in knots again, my friend said that she was nervous for Savanna too and I could hardly see to know if my daughter was one of them or not. Pretty soon here came Lexie holding Savanna's hand and pulling her to us. My poor girl was in tears. As soon as she was to me, as best I could holding a sleeping baby, I pulled her to me and told her how proud I was of her. I've reiterated this many times since and also told her that she made it so far and I know she did her best. We were also told that this cut isn't necessarily based on ability but more on looks (hair color, height) as they group girls and try to have a variety. I told her that she made it farther than a lot of girls did that day. She also told me later that night that they were told that if girls are cut or drop out here pretty soon, there's a chance they could be called. That chance is probably so, so slim, but, to me, that lets me know she really was close.

This is the after shot as we were leaving the theater. Her eyes are a bit red, but she smiled great for the camera, even though on the way to the car afterwards and while we were driving home she was still upset. By the time Sydney and I left for her audition, Savanna had bounced back and wished her sister luck, telling her what to expect and giving her a big hug.

When we got back to the theater, I was expecting the soldiers to still be in auditions, especially as I found my friend there visiting with someone else. Come to find out, soldiers had already been cast and she was still there because her daughter had been called back to be Clara!!! She ended up not being chosen, but, wow, what an honor!

Pretty soon it was Syd's turn to head down the stairs to learn choreography. I couldn't get this shot of Savanna because there had been so many people there that morning and she ended up being one of the first whisked off down the stairs by the time I could get even close to the railing. This time there were less girls (Sydney later told me 72 auditioned for this part) and also less parents.

So, Katie and I sat and waited. My friend was still there waiting for her daughter to come out from the Clara auditions at that point. After a while, my mom and grandma had been over at the Greek festival down the street, so they walked over to visit. They were never able to see Sydney, but they brought yummy Greek desserts for me to sample.

After everyone I knew left, Katie entertained herself (and apparently everyone else watching her) by being totally fascinated with her reflection in the tile floor. Yes, she keeps trying to kiss the baby in the floor. She really wanted nothing to do with her toys, just her reflection. She'd talk to it, smack her hands on the floor, clap, and kiss it. Silly girl.

Pretty soon it was announced that there would be only one release/cut for the buffoons and that those girls would be coming through the door soon. So, I made my way over to that area once again with a nervous stomach to wait and see if my daughter would be coming through with a "thank you for auditioning, come again next year" letter. I watched more heartbroken girls stream out and waited. Pretty soon the doors closed and my daughter hadn't come out. My heart was pounding, as I had to wait some more. Pretty soon, I was greated with this......

My excited little girl who had made it!!!

So now, in addition to regular dance classes and piano and school and soccer, we get to drive to the Capitol Theater at least once a week for the next 3 months for Sydney to learn to dance like a buffoon and then perform. It will be an absolutely incredible experience for her, I know. Ted, who complains a lot about dance, was even proud of her and made sure she called his parents so she could tell them. Luckily, this is a fairly inexpensive dance opportunity, mostly just a lot of time invested. Unfortunately, with the make-up and costuming, it will be hard to tell which dancer she is up there on stage, but what an adventure for her!!

Sydney was nervous about how her big sister would handle it, and even the night before as we were at my parents' she'd commented that it would be sad if only one of them had made it. But Savanna handled it fabulously. She congratulated her and was excited for her. Before we even left the theater, my tender-hearted Syd said, "Mom, do you know what's sad? I made a friend and she didn't make it." As we walked around the corner, her friend was actually still there, and Sydney went over to her and gave her a big hug. What just hurts my heart is this little girl had been the one to befriend Sydney because she was being shy at first after heading downstairs for the choreography. Syd said Monet came up to her and asked her if she was scared and then told her to come stand by her. Oh my heart.

Such an emotional day!! I am so proud of both of my girls for trying something new and something so big. I know they both did their best and I know they will both grow from their different experiences with these auditions. I love you girls!!! You are my favorite little dancers in the whole wide world!!!!